Spiky Skills: Capable, Struggling, and Still Worthy

I am academic, focused, determined and empathetic. I am a social worker and a neurodiversity coach. I can hold complexity. I can advocate for others. I can problem-solve, reflect, analyse, support, plan and push through incredibly difficult situations.

And I am also AuDHD, have Tourettes Syndrome and more recently, diagnosed with Dyslexia.

Those two parts of me can exist at the same time.

Being capable in some areas does not mean I do not struggle deeply in others. Looking 'fine' or 'functioning' on the outside does not remove the barriers that are very real behind the scenes for many of us who are neurodivergent.

Cooking is one of those barriers for me. I am fortunate to have a partner who cooks for me, and when that is not possible, I rely on basic pre-made food, microwave meals or leftovers. Working memory difficulties mean I can forget food on the hob or in the oven. I can lose track of steps. I can grab a hot tray without oven gloves because my brain has skipped the safety step, then burn myself and drop the food. I hyperfocus for hours - forget to move, eat or drink.

Showering is another thing people often take for granted. For me, it can involve executive functioning difficulties, procrastination, task initiation, sensory overwhelm, remembering the sequence of steps, and transitioning away from whatever I am already doing. Sometimes I need prompts. Sometimes I need someone else to initiate it or constantly remind me. Sometimes I just don't do it because its easier not too!

Housework is hard too. Really hard. We pay the kids to help, and in many ways they have become our cleaners. That support matters. It helps our home function and gives them some pocket money and independence.

Driving is also incredibly anxiety provoking and triggering for me for several reasons!

These are just the few examples that came to mind - there are many more! I am writing this as an awareness post because neurodivergence is complex. It is often masked. It is often invisible. Someone can appear articulate, professional, academic, sociable or capable (and they are), but they can still be fighting battles with the most basic daily tasks.

Social events can take days to recover from.

Overwhelm has to be carefully managed because, for me, it can increase tics, pain, burnout and shutdown.

Spiky skill sets are a big part of neurodivergence

And part of living well is accepting that there will be good days and bad days. Self-compassion is huge. Knowing yourself, your brain, your body and your nervous system is so important. It is often the first step to finding ways that actually work for you.

External support is not failure.

Prompts are not failure.

Pre-made food is not failure.

Help with housework is not failure.

Needing recovery time is not failure.

Not showering on time is not failure.

Getting the bus when you can drive is not failure

These are accommodations. These are supports. These are ways of making life more accessible.

Because being highly capable does not mean having no support needs.

And struggling with basic things does not mean you are not capable. You do not need to be 'fixed'.

For me, knowing that my brain works differently allows me to be kind to myself with the things I find difficult, ask for support without shame and direct my energy into my strengths, my special interests and the things that bring me joy.

Remember, your value or worth is not defined by how clean your house is, how often you cook, how productive you are. You are allowed to live in alignment with what you need and how your brain works.